Los Angeles... one of the greatest battlegrounds to challenge oneself when it comes to being lady-like and graceful. This city is notorious for having the worst traffic in the country, a population addicted to their cell phones, a modge-podge of varied characters, high costs but dilapidated infrastructure, and enough snark flying around to have changed the language of the state from English to Complain-ish.
It's incredibly easy to get mad, and stay mad, and then go on to tell others how justified you are in being mad by convincing them of the horrible behavior of others. It's a political tactic, a fetching headline and the way many people seem to communicate nowadays. What's harder is to not only bite your tongue, but to keep your cool and not impose more negativity on others to help get rid of your own. It's easy to prove how "right" we are by pointing out the faults of others, cutting someone off who is driving slow, rolling our eyes, blogging or tweeting about it, but such behavior could hurt others and is the perfect fertilizer for the bad feelings that are growing inside. We've gotten so good at pointing out and talking about bad behavior that it's not that easy to remember what's good!
I was lucky to have met a woman a few years ago who gave me this incredible bit of information. She said "Opinions are lies." Wait, what? But shouldn't we be allowed to express ourselves by saying whether something or someone is awful and telling others? Possibly, but consider this. Have you ever spoken badly about someone, only to later find out that your previous opinion wasn't exactly accurate? And have you ever gone around and told everyone that you spoke to negatively about that person that you had changed your mind?
Yeah, that last part rarely happens. There is a wonderful example set in the 16th Century by St. Philip Neri who told a woman who confessed to gossip that her penance was to go to the top of the church bell tower and rip open a feather pillow, and let the wind blow all the feathers away, then to come back to him. She did as St. Neri instructed and then returned to him. He then said that her next task was to go and gather all the feathers that had scattered. She implored that it wasn't possible, and that was how St. Neri made known, through a parable fitting a man of God, the gravity of her gossip and negative speak. He made her realize that once you've done this destructive thing, it continues to scatter and spread to unknown and unretrievable places for days, months, maybe forever.
So consider what you wish to scatter across the earth... beauty, kindness, humor, joy? Or complaints, critical opinions, little white lies, bitterness and wounds? I hope, if you're reading this, that your choice is easy to make. Keep your feather pillow intact.
