Be an Event Planner (Dinner Party Edition)

Hello everyone!! As part of my fabulous job, I am writing informative posts on event planning on our company's blog and my latest post is on getting behind the pretty napkins and decor of a dinner party to the steps it takes to run a smooth, guest-focused celebration. Please check it out and let me know your thoughts!

Be an Event Planner (Dinner Party Edition)

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

One of the questions we're often asked is what it takes to be an event planner. Prior to working here, I would dream about the lovely favors, the food, the color palettes and song lists that I would feature for different events, but having worked with a company with such a discerning clientele, I have realized that all of those elements are just icing on the cake. What makes the job wonderful but challenging, and gives you that moment of accomplishment at every event, is seeing the arrival of your guests into a party where you have carefully thought out each and every detail so that they can let go of the outside world and become fully immersed in the convivial atmosphere of your celebration.

Many people think of parties in terms of themes; a Halloween party, a bridal shower, an anniversary. While this is an important component, there are a multitude of details that are just as pertinent to the feel of your party. Event planning requires both right and left brain thinking, fusing logistical and critical thinking with creativity. You can't think in terms of just creating a pretty party, you must put yourself in the position of chef, server, bartender, DJ, lighting technician, rental company, venue coordinator, valet, and last but not least, guest. While you have been living and breathing this event, most of the vendors, sub-contractors and especially the guests, have not. It is your responsibility to envision every scenario that may come up, and find ways to make the experience an enjoyable one for those present. In some ways, this seems to me a bit like baby-proofing a home. You want them to enjoy themselves and yet you want to take measures to prevent your guests from encountering something that will deter from their enjoyment.

While you may be just starting on a career to event planning, or perhaps looking for insight for your next celebration, I think a great place to familiarize yourself with the inner workings of any event is to plan a dinner party. This micro-version of a bigger fête gives us a chance to really explore ways to make a celebration wonderful, and what things to look out for as your guest list grows.

Here are a few examples of things to think about for the main components of a dinner party. This list is not complete, but hopefully it will give you insight into thinking like an event planner, and help make your next event a glorious one.

Planning a Dinner Party

* What will they be eating? Are there any dietary restrictions? Do you have all of the necessary kitchen equipment, as well as the flatware, china, salt and pepper shakers, bread baskets, linens, glasses, etc. that your guests will require to enjoy the food being served?

* When will they be eating? If you've opted out of dinner and are just serving appetizers, but your party is near dinner time, should you move the time of the event or plan on having more food (crudités, assorted foreign and domestic cheese, meats and fruits, small plated appetizers, etc.)? How much time does each course take to prepare and when will each course need to be started to insure a smooth flow between courses (and if you're hosting, give you time to enjoy dinner with your guests?)

* What will they drink? Is there specific glassware that is expected with the types of drinks you're offering? Do they pair well with what you're serving? What temperature should the wines be served at, and do you need to decant the red wines? Have you created a fun drink to complement your event, perhaps one that is seasonal or a guest of honor's favorite? How much beverage product will you need to have on hand, and oh, did you pick up the ice and mixers?

* Where will used plates, glasses and garbage go? Do you have a designated area where items can be put so they're out of sight until after the party? Stacks of dishes on the kitchen counter where many guests like to congregate will be an eyesore and may cause some overly kind guests to start helping you clean up. Perhaps a table right outside around the side of the house where things can be set until later would be a better option.

* Is your home party-friendly? Is there parking for guests? Is the bathroom fully stocked? If you have pets, have you made sure they are safe and will not feel encroached upon, nor bother guests? Do you have a phone number for a taxi service for guests that over imbibe or do you have an extra pair of jammies in case someone needs to stay the night?

* What are your guests doing besides eating? Even among the most well-meaning crowds, it is still inevitable that guests will arrive at different times, so you need to have a way to entertain them prior to dinner. Light food and drink stations for those arriving with an appetite (and trust me, people like having something to hold in their hands such as a glass of wine) or a fun ice breaker activity. There are a multitude of options online, so find one that is tailored to your crowd and the type of celebration. When dinner's over, have something to keep the party going such as a playful game of charades or Pictionary, or transform your backyard into a make-shift late night venue such as a lounge with soft lighting and music or a drive-thru theater with a projector, cozy blankets and pillows, and popcorn.

My final words of advice are from Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project which is "Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good." You can get things as right as you could imagine, but there's a good chance something won't go as planned. If, and when, that crazy thing happens, take a deep breath and remember the spirit in which you decided to host this celebration. Your guests are grateful for your efforts, and you should be proud of yourself for taking on a task that most people find incredibly daunting. Learn from it, then let it go.

If you have any questions about your party, feel free to post them below, and I will reply as soon as I can. Happy planning!

30 Life Lessons from 30 Years

My 30th Birthday is coming up, and it's definitely one of those milestone birthdays that makes you look back and reflect on the lessons you've learned, as well as to remind yourself of all the wonderful things you hope to experience in the future.

As fate would have it, I found this terrific article with 30 Life Lessons From 30 Years written by Joshua Milburn of The Minimalists. It has triggered me to begin compiling my own list, but in the meantime, I found this writer's words such a great reminder of what the trials and triumphs of being on this planet for 30 years have given to me in terms of insight, wisdom and revelations. While I'm still a work in progress, I am grateful for the experiences, good and bad, that have guided me to a better understanding of love, career, friendships, relationships and true success.

Holes in my confidence, holes in the knees of my jeans

I had to share this wonderful video. It has so many moments of delight: boldness, compassion, generosity, living in the moment, the sheer joy on her face, dreams come true and the support of those present. I am so happy for this woman, Rayna, and Paul Simon's connection to his fans.

The Not So Nice Side of Nice

While it is neither a male nor female issue, many people struggle with being too nice. We don't want to offend, we don't want to be scolded, we want to be liked by everyone, even if we don't actually like them.

I often struggle with this niceness thing, often finding myself acting in ways that go against my better judgment and treating strangers or people I don't particularly care for better than the people that I really, really do.

For example: I've often given ridiculously thought out gifts to people I barely knew when I've come to an agreement with my true friends that we don't really need to do gifts. Why? Because I wanted this new, untested, not really a friend yet person to like the really nice, incredibly thoughtful gift giving me. And once you're my friend, I won't have to give you gifts anymore. Yikes! This leads me to my first point about being nice...

Being nice can be manipulative. Whether it's to make oneself so meek to avoid being dealt with honestly or to "nicey-nice" someone into getting your way, nice is not so nice. Nice doesn't acknowledge boundaries, those of others, or those that should be understood about oneself. Nice does too much, but never feels like it has done enough. Nice is exhausting!

In the book, "The Nice Factor: The Art of Saying No," the authors describe the word nice as a "weak modifier." And it's true. Nice is not usually a way you want to be described. "That's nice," usually means it isn't. If someone says he's a nice guy, it usually means his other attributes aren't noteworthy. If someone says my dress looks nice, I usually change.

In describing a person, nice is now more commonly thought of as someone who is passive, submissive, mild, or as a past mentor put it "nice" is uptight and out of sight. Nice doesn't know how to say no. Nice doesn't have a voice, even when it comes to a cause that nice cares about because it might offend someone. When I imagine someone who is "nice," I tend to see a person with their feet side-by-side, sensible shoes on beige carpet, hands clasped, lips sealed and big eyes waiting for outside approval to say "Yes, congratulations. You're nice."

Say NO to NICE!!!

What's more important is for us to be kind. Kind is specific. It thinks of others and it is active. When I think of someone who is kind, I imagine them doing something to ease the suffering of another. I see them aware of their abilities and compassion and sharing that with the world. That kind person seems strong, capable, focused. There are accomplishments in their past, decisions they've made that have earned them this description. Kindness doesn't want for the acknowledgement of others. It just is.

Kind knows itself and doesn't need to keep proving itself again and again. Kindness pairs well with other traits like assertive, sexy, courageous, wacky, funny. Nice has to be constantly on guard, not letting down its facade, agreeing to everything to prove how nice it is. Nice doesn't want to impose, oppose or offend. Nice is self-serving, kind is selfless.

Kind is how you are, nice is how you think you have to be. If you're kind, you don't have to be nice. Instead, you can be a lot of other things, wonderful things, interesting things, strong things.

Above image from: inspiredtype.wordpress.com

Remember the First Kiss?

So sweet!! Wherever you are, I hope this inspires a good bit of kissy face with your honey this weekend to remember how fun it can be!

A Remarkable Teacher Demonstrates Incredible Grace Under Pressure

The video below is of a kindergarten teacher in Monterrey, Mexico trying to calm and protect her very young students as a violent gun fight takes place right outside of their classroom. Using quick thinking to keep the children's heads near the ground, she begins singing the Raindrop Song from Barney, a song about imagining if raindrops suddenly became chocolate. She instructs the children to roll onto their backs to catch the chocolate raindrops in their mouth, thus keeping them as low to the ground and as far out of harm's way as possible. Instinctive, maternal and courageous. I'm so in awe of this woman, and to the teachers out there that do all they can to safeguard and teach our youth.

No, Non, 没有, Keine, нет

It doesn't matter how you say it, NO in any language can be difficult for graceful women who sometimes confuse being kind with also being a pushover. Perhaps it's an attempt to be perfect, we want to be everything to everyone, putting our needs or obligations on the back burner to tend to another's. I have many times been guilt-ridden by not having enough hours in the day to do whatever I could to ease someone else's burden, often forgetting that I had many tasks and many loved ones that were waiting patiently for some of my time as well. This desire to multi-task to the point of collapse is draining, can cause resentment, and tends to result in a lot of half-done ventures that can leave us scrambling to figure out how to begin putting our own lives back together again.

Much of this multi-tasking can be contributed to technology; the cell phones, blackberries, tablets, laptops, and constant access to non-face to face communication means that we often have to come up with reasons why we can't do something, or have to utter that dreaded word "No," whose cousins "I can't" and "I'm not available at that time" tend to leave just as bitter a taste on our tongues. Perhaps we think that if they could peak through our window at that very moment, they would see that we were up to our necks in other obligations, but they can't, we don't want to appear lazy or unaccommodating, so we drop everything to do for another what they could often do for themselves.

What?!?! Do it themselves?!?! But they need me, they wouldn't do it correctly, and/or no one else could do it as well as me.

Aha! This is point #1. You're amazing. No seriously you are. You organize a million schedules, have the ability to make a dish on the fly that would rival the main course at French Laundry, and you smell nice too. However, there are times when it's important to let people handle their problems themselves. Of course, you can help guide them, but you have to remember that keeping others from learning how to manage tasks such as budgeting for and paying their bills, cleaning up after themselves or how to get from Point A to Point B, is not really helping them, it's hindering them. There are those in our society that really truly need help with these tasks (children, senior citizens, those with certain medical conditions) but in general, most people have the resources, brainpower (but perhaps lack of will power) to find ways to make their lives run. If they get stuck at Point A because they really didn't find a way to get to Point B without you dragging them there, perhaps Point B wasn't really that important. Start lovingly giving others the opportunity to solve their own problems and see if you find that, lo and behold, they really could do it.

But won't they dislike me if I say no, or that I'm not available to do it?

Point #2. If that loved one who wants you to help them move apartments for the 6th time, or who needs to borrow your car again, or who needs a dog sitter while they go to the lake is going to stop loving and caring about you if you say "No, I can't absorb your obligation," that's not the kind of love you wanted in the first place. Love in its highest form is unconditional, and having people that will only be kind to you if you pick up their slack and stop what you're doing to help them with crisis #4,873, is not really the kind of person you want around anyway. If these types stop coming around because you aren't their butler/trust fund/catch-all drawer, you might be better off.

*Bonus* Again, this will lovingly give the favor-asker the chance to re-evaluate their choices. If they are making decisions that don't fit into their lives and is making them have to constantly rely on others to manage it, maybe having to miss out or do without will be inspiration enough to make some changes.

Point #3. But you really like helping out. Okay, I understand this. Just make sure you have a point in mind where "No" is okay. If you're too exhausted from handling your sister-in-law to be a good parent to your children, it's time to say no. If you have done too much overtime at work and have no love left for your honey, it's time to say no. If everyone else's lives are running smoothly thanks to you, but you are down to the "ugly panties" and only have condiments in your refrigerator, it's time to say NO!!

There are incredible charities that really do need people with the giving, generous spirit that you have. Find one that you're passionate about to share your kindness and let it serve as a reminder to yourself that you are a good person, but also not one who will get in the way of a learning moment for another. If you see that helping another will really not take away from your life, happiness or well-being, for example watching that niece that you adore anyway, or helping prune a friend's garden that results in some exercise and delicious home-grown tomatoes, then by all means, chip in!

But if it doesn't, I give you my blessing and encouragement to say gracefully, politely, but firmly, "No."