A Remarkable Teacher Demonstrates Incredible Grace Under Pressure

The video below is of a kindergarten teacher in Monterrey, Mexico trying to calm and protect her very young students as a violent gun fight takes place right outside of their classroom. Using quick thinking to keep the children's heads near the ground, she begins singing the Raindrop Song from Barney, a song about imagining if raindrops suddenly became chocolate. She instructs the children to roll onto their backs to catch the chocolate raindrops in their mouth, thus keeping them as low to the ground and as far out of harm's way as possible. Instinctive, maternal and courageous. I'm so in awe of this woman, and to the teachers out there that do all they can to safeguard and teach our youth.

No, Non, 没有, Keine, нет

It doesn't matter how you say it, NO in any language can be difficult for graceful women who sometimes confuse being kind with also being a pushover. Perhaps it's an attempt to be perfect, we want to be everything to everyone, putting our needs or obligations on the back burner to tend to another's. I have many times been guilt-ridden by not having enough hours in the day to do whatever I could to ease someone else's burden, often forgetting that I had many tasks and many loved ones that were waiting patiently for some of my time as well. This desire to multi-task to the point of collapse is draining, can cause resentment, and tends to result in a lot of half-done ventures that can leave us scrambling to figure out how to begin putting our own lives back together again.

Much of this multi-tasking can be contributed to technology; the cell phones, blackberries, tablets, laptops, and constant access to non-face to face communication means that we often have to come up with reasons why we can't do something, or have to utter that dreaded word "No," whose cousins "I can't" and "I'm not available at that time" tend to leave just as bitter a taste on our tongues. Perhaps we think that if they could peak through our window at that very moment, they would see that we were up to our necks in other obligations, but they can't, we don't want to appear lazy or unaccommodating, so we drop everything to do for another what they could often do for themselves.

What?!?! Do it themselves?!?! But they need me, they wouldn't do it correctly, and/or no one else could do it as well as me.

Aha! This is point #1. You're amazing. No seriously you are. You organize a million schedules, have the ability to make a dish on the fly that would rival the main course at French Laundry, and you smell nice too. However, there are times when it's important to let people handle their problems themselves. Of course, you can help guide them, but you have to remember that keeping others from learning how to manage tasks such as budgeting for and paying their bills, cleaning up after themselves or how to get from Point A to Point B, is not really helping them, it's hindering them. There are those in our society that really truly need help with these tasks (children, senior citizens, those with certain medical conditions) but in general, most people have the resources, brainpower (but perhaps lack of will power) to find ways to make their lives run. If they get stuck at Point A because they really didn't find a way to get to Point B without you dragging them there, perhaps Point B wasn't really that important. Start lovingly giving others the opportunity to solve their own problems and see if you find that, lo and behold, they really could do it.

But won't they dislike me if I say no, or that I'm not available to do it?

Point #2. If that loved one who wants you to help them move apartments for the 6th time, or who needs to borrow your car again, or who needs a dog sitter while they go to the lake is going to stop loving and caring about you if you say "No, I can't absorb your obligation," that's not the kind of love you wanted in the first place. Love in its highest form is unconditional, and having people that will only be kind to you if you pick up their slack and stop what you're doing to help them with crisis #4,873, is not really the kind of person you want around anyway. If these types stop coming around because you aren't their butler/trust fund/catch-all drawer, you might be better off.

*Bonus* Again, this will lovingly give the favor-asker the chance to re-evaluate their choices. If they are making decisions that don't fit into their lives and is making them have to constantly rely on others to manage it, maybe having to miss out or do without will be inspiration enough to make some changes.

Point #3. But you really like helping out. Okay, I understand this. Just make sure you have a point in mind where "No" is okay. If you're too exhausted from handling your sister-in-law to be a good parent to your children, it's time to say no. If you have done too much overtime at work and have no love left for your honey, it's time to say no. If everyone else's lives are running smoothly thanks to you, but you are down to the "ugly panties" and only have condiments in your refrigerator, it's time to say NO!!

There are incredible charities that really do need people with the giving, generous spirit that you have. Find one that you're passionate about to share your kindness and let it serve as a reminder to yourself that you are a good person, but also not one who will get in the way of a learning moment for another. If you see that helping another will really not take away from your life, happiness or well-being, for example watching that niece that you adore anyway, or helping prune a friend's garden that results in some exercise and delicious home-grown tomatoes, then by all means, chip in!

But if it doesn't, I give you my blessing and encouragement to say gracefully, politely, but firmly, "No."

Petrichor

From wordsmith.org, a few years ago, the scent that is also now floating in through my window:

petrichor (PET-ri-kuhr) noun

The pleasant smell that accompanies the first rain after a dry spell.

[From petro- (rock), from Greek petros (stone) + ichor (the fluid that is supposed to flow in the veins of the gods in Greek mythology). Coined by researchers I.J. Bear and R.G. Thomas.]

"But, even in the other pieces, her prose breaks into passages of lyrical beauty that come as a sorely needed revivifying petrichor amid the pitiless glare of callousness and cruelty." Pradip Bhattacharya; Forest Interludes; Indianest.com; Jul 29, 2001.

Cycling Through The Vineyards

This past weekend, I finally got to enjoy two months of planning for my honey's birthday. I know many people speak of living in the present, but my love of coordinating and looking forward to those plans being played out for the recipient is just as much fun. I recently decided that I liked the idea of giving experiences rather than gifts, so I set about researching bike tours through vineyards, nice hotels and delicious restaurants to give my busy boy a nice relaxing mini-vacation in the quaint little town of Paso Robles. It's about a three hour drive, and neither of us had been there, so it seemed like a fun adventure.

We arrived at our hotel moments before our guide, and we were promptly shuttled over to the first vineyard, where we enjoyed a light lunch under a bright red market umbrella. The guide was sweet enough to even have a brownie with a candle in it for my man's birthday. We were anxious to go so we both barely ate, and soon we were peddling across the rolling hills of the East Side of Paso Robles, considered the valley part of the region and giving it a completely different flavor profile from the West Side which was more on the coastal ledge of the area, and with a completely different soil. We rode past beautiful old farmhouses, livestock with their new offspring basking in the sun, flowers and fields of every different kind and of course, row upon row of grapevines.

I have to admit, a part of me was a bit frightened. Having a bike accident when I was twelve that put me in the hospital for a week, I could feel tension and panic creeping up when we headed down some of the steeper hills. But I kept reminding myself that I was not a 12 year old anymore and rode cautiously on and by the end of the day, I was letting the exhilaration of the hills fill me with the euphoria of riding in fearless motion.

That night, we made up for all of the calories we'd burned and then some by diving into one delicious Italian dish after another at Il Cortile in downtown Paso Robles. I had wavered back and forth between this restaurant and another with a more "famous" reputation, but by the end of the meal, we were in heaven. Everything was cooked to perfection, innovative and beyond satisfying. My thanks to all those Yelpers! that posted about this place.

Upon returning to our room, we discovered that in addition to our turn-down service, they had put on some great jazz music to welcome us back. It reminded me of our first date, when a coffee meeting led to dinner, and we found ourselves at a jazz club, listening to the late show, not wanting that first day to end. And luckily, after three years, I still feel that same way.

With bike helmet hair in front of J. Lohr Vineyards.

"You will put the star in starting over..."

I started this blog because I wanted to seek out and help create better role models for our children, so naturally I was intrigued to hear Sarah Kay's "If I Should Have A Daughter." Her spoken word poem plays out the insecurities, the gentle nudge, the knowing wink of being at that threshold between knowing yourself as a daughter and becoming the mother of one; when the world is no longer just about your path but about looking outward at the future your child will face.

I bet we've all had those moments where that maternal advice from your past finally sunk in and you've realized, "So this is what she was trying to tell me," and "Wow, I really don't know a thing!!" As Austin Kleon said "All advice is autobiographical," and in hearing Sarah Kay, I felt that the words were directed to not only a progeny but a past version of the poet herself. Her poem spells out guidance to help a child who can't yet foresee the trials they will encounter: the heartache, the defeats, all the moments that will help shape them and mould them and hurt them. And in the same breath, she speaks as the proud and grateful daughter now comprehending the wisdom of the generations of mothers before her, adding the experience of another age for those to come.

To all the grandmothers, mothers and daughters out there (Because the mothers are the daughters of the grandmothers. Remember that word puzzle, Mom?) have a Wonderful Mother's Day!

Here's her presentation at TED:

Tips for Creating Your Own Flower Arrangements

Flowers... are a proud assertion that a ray of beauty outvalues all the utilities of the world. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1844

Spring has been slow to really present itself this year, and the peonies I was hoping to have bursting in my home are still the size of golf balls and incredibly expensive. For now, calla lilies, ranunculus and hyacinths are taking center stage, and so I have a vase of gently curved stems sitting by my computer compelling me to talk them up a bit.

Through my work, I've been lucky to have come in contact with some incredible florists and purveyors of flowers. At 19, I worked for a remarkable woman named Krislyn Meyer now Krislyn Komarov who saw flowers more as art supplies to be molded and manipulated into art pieces, and the flowers she bought from Holland, New Zealand, various parts of Asia and South America seemed like other worldly species that had traversed into our solar system. I started to learn about their needs, their quirks, which were sturdy and which would falter and which would start growing roots and creating offspring if you left them in water long enough. It was a bit of a science lab and art studio and the appreciation for flowers and plants as more than clear vase fillers began.

Shopping for Flowers

There really is no simpler way to add a burst of color to your home than incorporating the vibrant blooms of spring flowers. With access to one of the largest flower districts in America, I'm fortunate to be able to go to the Los Angeles Flower Mart, where I can create arrangements with both aesthetic and aromatic appeal. When selecting flowers, allow its beauty to consist not only of its petals, but also of its stem and leaves. Although a bit of dew on a rose in the morning is lovely, getting the heads of cut roses wet will cause them to begin to rot and turn brown. This a good time to mention that when you are looking at purchasing flowers, be mindful of lifting them and allowing the wet stems to drip on the tops of other flowers. You could upset the seller and ruin someone else's arrangement.

Prepping Your Flowers

To insure the longevity of your flowers, remove all leaves that will fall below the waterline and insure that the vases are clean and free of debris. Cut the bottom inch off the stems at an angle under water, preventing an air bubble from rising up the stem, blocking water, and causing the flower head to fall over. Place immediately in water and away from heat and sunlight. Although cool temperatures preserve flowers, do not keep your arrangement in the refrigerator as the food, along with a very arid environment, will cause them to wilt. Flower Food will help your arrangement last longer and can be purchased wherever flowers are sold.

Creating a Flower Arrangement

There are a few items that you should have handy when you're creating an arrangement that will give you more ways to display your flowers than plunking them in a vase.

* Floral Foam which can be cut to fit in your vase or container, and should be fully immersed in water for at least an hour before arranging

* Floral tape (To create a visual grid and add security to vase arrangements or to secure floral foam onto containers)

* Floral shears or hand snips

* A stem stripper (Although, if you have the patience to cut off the leaves and thorns by hand, it's advisable as stem strippers can damage the cane and cause the flower to wilt sooner)

* Wired 3" wood picks to give un-insertable branches and twigs an insertable-ness and lengthen or strengthen weak stems and bundle items such as bows or ornaments together

* An array of vases from clear, ceramic, mint julep cups and wood (although you must line the bottom of porous vases with cellophane wrap)

* Banana leaves or flax to line the inner part of a clear vase for a unique look and to hide the stems. (Above is an arrangement I did for a luncheon using floral foam inside and a banana leaf to hide it.)

* Additional leaves, greenery, feathers, etc. to fill out the arrangement and add some personal touches

Play up the shape of the stem, molding them and allowing elements of form to enhance your arrangement. Let their shape tell a story. When cutting the flowers, it's best to cut them at an angle, underwater, if placing in floral foam or a vase as the angle allows for more water absorption and allows the flower to be inserted easier. Look at your arrangement from all angles (high, low, front, back) to make it three dimensional and eye-catching no matter where you are in the room. Experiment with different techniques such as bending branches around from one side of the arrangement to the other, creating clusters of similar textures and colors, monochromatic arrangements of all different flowers and have fun!

From a recent event, a monochromatic arrangement of white tulips, roses, hydrangeas and orchids created by Yvonne Van Pelt of Empty Vase.

Place flowers throughout your home, such as a small arrangement in the powder room, and another to set the tone for guests right in your entryway. Keep dining table arrangements low to allow the conversation to flow freely, or if you're having guests over, consider creating smaller arrangements before each guests’ place setting that they can take with them as a memento of their wonderful time with you.

You can also find great sources of information and courses at your art supply, your local gardens, nurseries and adult education courses which can show you some tricks of the trade and help you create beautiful floral creations in your own home. Get a group of friends together and have a floral arranging session with rose or jasmine infused tea and cupcakes with edible flowers on top. It's a great way to tap into your creativity and add beauty to your world.

To Blame or Not to Blame...

"If you make it a habit not to blame others, you will feel the growth of the ability to love in your soul, and you will see the growth of goodness in your life."
— Leo Tolstoy

I read this quote first thing in the morning and wanted to share it with you. There are two sides to this quote that I think are worth looking in to.

First, in regards to most blame, it is much like complaining and when we lend ourselves to that behavior, we find ourselves participating in negative talk and thought patterns that can lead us away from being the kind of women (and men) we want to be. In many ways, when we blame others, we give ourselves the option for inaction, because we declare that the circumstances are beyond our control and thus we have little or no impact on how things will turn out. This is a good time to look at issues in your relationships, job, living situation and determine whether blaming your partner, boss or whomever is keeping you from taking action and whether you could improve the situation for both yourself and others. If you want more romance, rather than blaming your partner, make plans that will give both of you a loving and memorable evening. If your home isn't as clean as you would like it, rather than thinking you need a bigger house, a maid or a tidier roommate, perhaps it's time to pare down your belongings so you have less to clean and more room to keep things. Opt out of blame and into solutions.

Conversely, many of us opt to be "kind" to others by taking all of the blame upon ourselves. This is no better. There is scientific backing that suggests that a bit of outward blame is good for our well-being in that it can help us see that bad circumstances are temporary and circumstantial, letting the space for improvement still exist. If you get laid off, for example, by feeling like you are a bad worker and that if this company didn't want you, no one will, you are telling yourself that these circumstances are permanent and will be true no matter where you work. This way of thinking is very hard to overcome if you don't let some, if not all, of the blame shift. Instead, you should consider that the opposite is just as true. Play the blame game: the company that laid you off is a bad fit, is perhaps suffering, and their decision will be another company's blessing when they hire you. Framing it this way makes the circumstances temporary and only true of the previous company, not all companies.

Think about what we say to children when they face hardships from classmates: "She just does that because she likes you," (turning bad into good) or "He just says that because he's jealous," (turning the negative description on to the bully.) And we say "You're going to be okay," when they scrape their knee. We let them know that things will get better.

Today, look at something in your life that is troubling you and ask yourself: Am I taking all the blame for this and making it impossible to grow and improve? Could it be true that I'm not wholly responsible for these circumstances and can move beyond them? Or, am I placing all the blame on others and negating my chance to personally improve the situation? When things are down, or you feel like the world is against you, re-frame the situation in a less self-deprecating manner to see if the opposite could be true, and thus reveal a place to grow from.